Then Adam was born. When god thought of making the first man, he thought:
"I want the first man to be beautiful. I want it to be sexy and
talented... I want it to have perfect shoulders and that girls (when I
make some) will go nuts when they see him. But most importantly, I want
it to be adored no matter what he does, cos if it doesn't... what's the
point? Why are they writing a book about me and my creation?"
He took his big book of great men and personas, and started browsing.
He opened in the middle: "Albert Einstein." he read "Why
not? he's smart, adored, a role model... perfect." so he created the
First Man in the shape of Mr. Einstein. He looked at it a few days later,
he saw how his First Man is walking around, collecting things, exploring
things, and he thought "Ah! you see? already he's trying to learn
things". One day the First Man came to God: "Excuse me Mr. God,
can I have a word with you?"
"Sure!" said God, very pleased with the fact that his creation
can talk to him like it can talk to one of his budds. If he had ones, that
is.
"I'm sorry to disturb you, but I have a question. If I take this
apple which is quite big, and I take this apple which is big too... isn't
this apple is automatically SMALL? I thought about it and..." God
shoved one of the apples into his First Man's mouth.
"He's talking too much. Toooooooo much. I have to find someone
better to be my First Man".
So he took his big book again and opened it somewhere and read:"William
Jefferson Clinton. Terrific!�A president, women dream of him at night,
men think of him during the day, people ADORE him!" so he created
his second First Man in the shape of President Clinton. He observed him
for few days, saw he is adjusting very well to the environment, taking
command over the animals around him... just what God had in mind. "Alright!"
God all mighty thought "It's time for the big test... I'll create
a woman for him and see how he's doing". So god took one of his Playboy
callendars he had hanged on the wall and gave life to one of the images.
"There you go second First Man! a prize for being such a perfect
First Man, I'm giving you a Woman!" God said very happy and proud
with his second First Man.
"What do I do with it?" asked the second First Man, trying
to figure out how to work the new thing God just gave him.
"That's for me to know and for you to find out..." God winked
at the second First Man and walked away thinking "Finally he'd have
someone to play with, to talk to, maybe he'll show her one of his toys..."
and went to sleep. He woke up the next morning and went to see how his
second First Man is doing. "second First Man! second First Man! where
are you?" He shouted all over the garden of Eden, but no one answered.
He thought "alright, perhaps he's still asleep. I'll go check on him.
You know, just in case". He walked to the second First Man's room
and without knocking opened the door very quietly.
"Second First Man?... are you here? are you asleep?"
"No, I'm not, come on in! look what I do!" he heard from
behind the door. God walked in and found the Playboy girl on her knees
and the second First Man with his pants down and a huge smile. "I
think I found out what's that for..." he said very pleased with himself.
God's eyes went out of their holes and his jaw fell to the floor. He went
out of the room, slammed the door behind him and leaned on it, gasping.
"That's not the toy I was talking about..." he said, couldn't
believe what he just created. "I have to find myself another First
Man or this world will be in trouble."
He opened the book again and started browsing: "Who's that? Nostradamus?
yeah, exactly what I need... what's the point of doing mayham and chaos
if he's going to tell the world all about it?" he switched to another
page "Hugh Grant. Why not?" he asked. Took a look on the garden and saw
the little Playboy girl walking around the garden "That's why not"
he answered himself and threw the book on the floor. "THIS BOOK STINKS!
no one is worthy enough to be my First Man! well, I guess I'll have to
make my own First Man. Rats!". He kicked the book and it opened at
page 36. "Stuart Leslie Goddard," he read, "Oh, what the
hell, It can't go worse..."
He went back to his workshop and started making his 3rd first man.
It took 3 days to make God's creation complete. He read the ingredients
and threw in the Man making bowl EVERYTHING. A good voice, a good pair
of hands that can draw very good, a thinking mind and a loads of creativity.
Buckets of knowledge and left a little bit of space so he can find out
more, he used all of the charms he had in his workshop and and all of the
Sex Apeal (and ofcourse didn't forget loads of good manners). When his personality
was finally ready he started sculpturing the body. He didn't make him too
tall so it'll be easy for girls to kiss, not too skinny so that guys won't
laugh at him, blue blue eyes for everyone to melt, not too big of a nose
nor it was too little, perfect lips and great teeth. On his chest he didn't
put one hair at all, only from his belly-button and down, a little stripe
of hair to make him look even sexier. But the most important thing: The
most perfect shoulders ever created, that will ever BE created, and
an amazing british accent. God was so proud of it's creation, he really
didn't know what to say. His little 3rd First Man fit right in to the Garden
of Eden, completed it in every way.
God was so happy with his 3rd Fisr Man, he decided to keep him. "Now,
we have to find you a name. Any suggestions?"